Trick or Treat meets Merry Christmas. Yup. Pumpkins, cobwebs, cheap kandy korn and kit kats. On the shelf right next to the garland, tinsel, ornaments and mistletoe. Halloween has now morphed into Happy Holidays. From September through December. Santa on GMA wearing a ghost costume. His elves dressed as comic book heroes. Rudolph’s red nose clown suit. Tannenbaums with dangling skeletons. It’s retail silly season all the time.
No wonder Orange Man from 30 Rock is our President.
Mariachi Skeleton West 74th.
Darth Pumpkin West 77th.
Snow in Northampton. Former next door neighbor tweets that power was out. No snow here in the new ‘hood. Haunted townhouse. Still hate Halloween. But. Who cares?
We’re in New York!!
On this most horrible of all holidays. If you care. Try these costume party stand-outs on for size. If like me you hate All Hallow’s Eve. Put cheap candy in a bowl on the porch and re-watch the Republican debate. Or Hillary’s 11-hour Benghazi hearing. Or Boehner’s tearful farewell. Redundant.
Or. Spend Halloween night chugging shots in between handing out Kit Kats to trick-or-treaters at the door. Apologize for your plaid pajamas. For your Vampira meets Bride of Frankenstein updo this year. Sorry about no pumpkins on the porch. Nor scary lights. They’ll get over it.
Can we get through one more?
Ichabod Crane. Dark knights. Must be that time of year again. Achieved a pumpkin-free zone. No gourds, dried stalks or Indian corn either. Okay. Cheap candy for kids. Trick or treat. All Hallow’s Eve. Once. Not an entire week.
Orange is the old black. I’ll be the usual. Rhymes with witch. Yeah. I rehearse all year. So. Just no. Crinkly Hillary cleavage. Ebola hazmat suits. Headless horsemen of Isis. Not too soon. Never. Make it stop. Is it Kranky Kristmas yet?
Hi. It’s me again. The Halloween-hater. It is over yet? A month of spooky plots on every show. Even the news. Women trolloping around in low-cut getups. Men strutting superhero suits. This is scary. A different kind of horror. Little zombies, goblins, witches. Fine. I’ll give you KitKats and KandyKorn. On Thursday.
Orange pumpkins can stay in the fields or on farm trucks. None at my house. They’d clash with resolute pink roses in our October garden.
Witch twitched. Grateful that our family dodged Sandy’s brutal blow. Blizzards, floods. Whoa. Enough to wag the dog? Does Romney’s momentum slow? Obama’s one last Deus ex Machina. Hope so. Next week, we’ll know. In the meantime, can’t we just skippy Hallow? Give me my broom, away I’ll go.
JakeTrik the annual exception. Pretzel Dino.