Halloween costumes this year. Nope!!
Ghost. Appropriating unsettled dead people.
Witch. Appropriating coven worshippers.
Fortnite Blue Hair. Appropriating Smurfness.
Chimney Sweep. Black face.
Appropriating Mexican grave dwellers.
You get the idea. Skippy Hallow. 2018.
Trick or Treat meets Merry Christmas. Yup. Pumpkins, cobwebs, cheap kandy korn and kit kats. On the shelf right next to the garland, tinsel, ornaments and mistletoe. Halloween has now morphed into Happy Holidays. From September through December. Santa on GMA wearing a ghost costume. His elves dressed as comic book heroes. Rudolph’s red nose clown suit. Tannenbaums with dangling skeletons. It’s retail silly season all the time.
No wonder Orange Man from 30 Rock is our President.
Trump’s base voted for him as he was and always will be. A lying boorish bully. But. He’s theirs. As long as he gets things done that make their lives better. They don’t care. That is still up in the air. But. Either way. Trump the man is never going to change.
And. Congress lacks statesmanship. Flake. Corker. Collins. Murkowski. Rare integrity. Compromise and comity are in short supply.
Harassment in the workplace. #Metoo. Of course. Lots of times. Some slightly reciprocal. Others overtly not. Humor works. Eschewing meetings in hotel rooms. Keeping wingmen close. Common sense helps. Betrayed by women most.
Fox Sports 1 show. Crowd Goes Wild. Miss it. And them. Michael Kosta. Katie Nolan. Georgie Thompson. Trevor Pryce. And yes. Even Reeege. I was one of ten people who watched it.
When did Halloween become two months instead of one day?
Mariachi Skeleton West 74th.
Darth Pumpkin West 77th.
Snow in Northampton. Former next door neighbor tweets that power was out. No snow here in the new ‘hood. Haunted townhouse. Still hate Halloween. But. Who cares?
We’re in New York!!
On this most horrible of all holidays. If you care. Try these costume party stand-outs on for size. If like me you hate All Hallow’s Eve. Put cheap candy in a bowl on the porch and re-watch the Republican debate. Or Hillary’s 11-hour Benghazi hearing. Or Boehner’s tearful farewell. Redundant.
Or. Spend Halloween night chugging shots in between handing out Kit Kats to trick-or-treaters at the door. Apologize for your plaid pajamas. For your Vampira meets Bride of Frankenstein updo this year. Sorry about no pumpkins on the porch. Nor scary lights. They’ll get over it.
Can we get through one more?
Ichabod Crane. Dark knights. Must be that time of year again. Achieved a pumpkin-free zone. No gourds, dried stalks or Indian corn either. Okay. Cheap candy for kids. Trick or treat. All Hallow’s Eve. Once. Not an entire week.
Orange is the old black. I’ll be the usual. Rhymes with witch. Yeah. I rehearse all year. So. Just no. Crinkly Hillary cleavage. Ebola hazmat suits. Headless horsemen of Isis. Not too soon. Never. Make it stop. Is it Kranky Kristmas yet?