Twelve Days of Central Park Christmas

Twelve twirling dog-poop bags.
Eleven grinding garbage trucks.
Ten horns a honking.

 

Nine tourists searching for Strawberry Fields.
Eight nannies yacking on cell phones.
Seven kamikaze skateboarders.
Six clueless Citi-Bikers.
Five gritty horse-drawn carriage drivers.
Four scamming pedi-cabs.
Three rats a running.
Two turtles sunning.
And a pigeon under a ginko biloba tree.

Yuletide Tricks

Trick or Treat meets Merry Christmas. Yup. Pumpkins, cobwebs, cheap kandy korn and kit kats. On the shelf right next to the garland, tinsel, ornaments and mistletoe. Halloween has now morphed into Happy Holidays. From September through December. Santa on GMA wearing a ghost costume. His elves dressed as comic book heroes. Rudolph’s red nose clown suit. Tannenbaums with dangling skeletons. It’s retail silly season all the time.

No wonder Orange Man from 30 Rock is our President.

Holiday Dilemma

Which’d you rather?

Spiked egg nog or faux champagne.
Lobster Newburg or a burger.
Gift cards or re-gifts.
Multi-color or all white lights.
Nutcracker or cracked nuts.
Trump tweets or Hillary whine.
Menorah candles or melted gelt.
Jersey Boys or Rockettes.
Rock Center or Smugglers Notch.
Or just scotch on the rocks.
Kitty kreamer or Chia pet. Or. Hatchimal.
Kathy & Anderson or Ryan & Jenny.

Kristmas Krackers

IMG_1398Is that a lightsaber? No. It’s this season’s hit. The selfie stick. On the porch. Kraklin’ fire. On Kristmas Eve no less. Sixty degrees. We’ll take it!

Cuzins took over Colitti Christmas this year. They devised a new tradition of giving gifts to each other and dubbed it “Secret Grandma.” Conjuring re-imagined treasures from her cellar, a new era of mirth, heart and soul. From Jamison to Jake. A legacy worthy of its creator. IMG_8044IMG_8040

 

Kranky Kristmas 4

Delta Barcelona-JFK. Ceiling falls on lady’s head. Media screen broken. Wires dangling. 7-hour flight. Amtrak NY- Springfield. 40 minutes late. Nicked exciting end of Niners’ last game at the “stick”. They win. Yay.

Kristmas Eve lobster at JeanJean’s. Cuzins playing and singing. Priceless. IMG_0854

If you want to laugh out loud, read Delia Ephron’s A Christmas Manners Quiz. Happy Kristmas to all and to all a good night!

AmaZone

L Tryptophan lingering. It’s December? People are already putting up trees. Lights lining houses. Wreaths on doors. Hanukkah is over. Christmas shopping? Everyone is abuzz about Bezos’ drone delivery idea. NYTimes‘ Dowd says it’s faster to go to the store. I disagree. But, that’s always been me. A woman loathe to shop. Maybe it comes from years of working in Dad’s retail.

Here’s the thing. Called local bookstore for a particular title. Woman said computer down, call back. Did. Didn’t have it, could get it in 4 days. Amazon 2 days, cheaper. Same with clothes. Go to Brooks Brothers et al.  Lousy selection of inventory. Out of your size. Go online. Get your size, color, style. Hits your door in a week. Don’t like it? Free shipping back. No surly sales people, mall rats.

Bye bye bricks and mortar. Who needs headaches and overhead?