Trump’s Saturday morning massacres are becoming de rigueur. Twisted tweet storms cause tremors around the globe. Ripple effect could topple France’s neo-nationalist Marine LePen’s election chances. The more unstable POTUS seems, the less influence he’ll have.
Best to stay away from newsy-ness. Conan O’Brien’s TBS special in Mexico is hilarious. Girls’ last season is fraught with freaky frames. Matthew Rhys lets it all hang out for a teaching moment last week. This week we endure toilet scenes and Hannah enceinte.
Nope. Not many real snowflakes this winter. At least not in the City. Not yet. But. To all you snowflakes out there. Huddled in your safe zones. In denial that the Pats are owned by Trump buddy Bob Kraft. And that recent golf partner Tiger missed the cut.
Here are 3 suggestions to thwart TTSD: 1) Watch old episodes of Billy on the Street. 2) Read spy novels by Alex Berenson. 3) Listen to Bruce Springsteen read his autobiography.
Hasta Luego to our doorman Pedro. 42 years at the same building. West Side Rag.
Good News. Trump is emphasizing economic growth and jobs across racial and gender lines. Bad News. He’s still obsessed with conspiracy fraud in the election results and crowd size. TTSD continues.
Good News. Left-wing activist groups will raise bizillions of dollars railing against Trump’s agenda and social policies. Bad News. Identity politics won’t win general elections.
Good News. My picks made it to the Super Bowl. Bad News. Pats may win. Again.
Good News. Tiger returns to Torrey Pines. Bad News. If he doesn’t make the cut it’ll suck.
Rodney Dangerfield. The comedian famous for lamenting “I don’t get no respect”. This may be the constant rant we hear over the next four years. As our new Petulant Adolescent President continues his knee-jerk – emphasis on jerk – reactions to each perceived disrespect. With Theresa May sounding similar in the UK it could be a dangerous world. Cue TTSD.
On the football field. Will I. Am v. Peeper Creeper. The 2 Rodgers v. the Ryan-Shanahan Fighting Irish. Okay. I say. SuperBowl. Atlanta v. Pats. Atlanta wins.
The sun finally sets on this quake year
Disruptions left fissures as yet unclear
Nation shaken by Heartland’s frustration
Rally-rocked stadiums in rural towns
While shuttered Main Streets heaved up in despair
As tone deaf hunkered under safe bunkers
Beneath cloistered thought-gated college lawns
In cocktail cult kissass-disguised newsrooms
Consulting class glass shattered on both coasts
Hit by a political tsunami
From Brexit to Nexit the EU cracked
Populists tilted globalist axis
Expect tectonic economic shifts
And frequent volcanic Trump eruptions
Sold 20-year Western Mass. house
New digs in The City
TV-The Crown, Ray Donovan, Happy Valley, The Circus
Book-Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance
Music-Blue & Lonesome, The Rolling Stones
Disruption of both political parties
Voters over donors
Petulant Adolescent President- elect
Lumping people into monolithic groups
Elite media bubble & bias
Election’s coarse discourse
Syrian holocaust- refugees
Tiger’s self-inflicted spiral
TTSD (Traumatic Trump Stress Disorder)
I know you’re all awaiting our upbeat holiday news from winsome Western Massachusetts. Regret to report that we end 2016 in severe post-election shock. An unholy macro-aggression has been perpetrated against our New England progressive pseudo-peace.
Decided to try growing magic mushrooms on our mulch farm. Psilocybin is said to ward off acute TTSD (Traumatic Trump Stress Disorder). Zelda’s a zombie, yanking weeds in her purple bathrobe at dawn. Our manboy Moonbeam was last seen buried under Bernie signs in the basement months ago. So. I hang out with Meph the cat in the frontyard pigpen scooping poop for hours on end.
Back in our old burg, Silent H, the Lord Jeffs have been tomahawked. So to speak. And Hampshire College has banned the American flag. Some solace. Still blessed to live in the Happy Valley of safe spaces.
More good news. Cranky next door neighbors moved to NYC. They’ve been replaced by a young couple from L.A. Hope we can coerce these neophytes into cutting down all their sugar maples for our photovoltaic benefit. Anyway. If you see our crabby former neighbors in the Big Apple, tell them they are missing out on all the fun in the old ‘hood.
Until next year,
Pronounced H, Massachusetts
(Bidrights Holiday Letters Past- Side Trek Falls Off the Rails)