House of Cards

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Faux Claire

House of Cards creator Beau Willimon’s Broadway debut The Parisian Woman falls flat. As edgy as Robin Wright is as Claire Underwood in the Netflix series, Uma Thurman as Chloe in this modern-day play is not. Thurman seems tentative in her portrayal of a supposedly scheming liberal in Trump’s Washington political landscape. Related jokes are few and dated. Characters are generally mis-cast even as the weak writing would test any actor. Blair Brown displays her professional chops and is the only standout.

On the plus side. The Hudson Theater has been brilliantly brought back to its 1903 glory. Hotel conference room sheetrock was torn down to reveal crown moldings and historic detail from Ethel Barrymore’s stage heyday. It reopened last year and is worth the visit.

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House of Shards II

1:08 PM. Frank Underwood Trumped. Can’t make this up. Doddering Don throws his Attorney General under the bus. Threatens Special Counsel. Calls in the New York Times to put it all on the record. Spicey and Melissa McCarthy out. Scaramucci in. Junior donning a flack jacket. ‘JIvanka’ still around. For now. New York contingent rising. Eric smart to stay far away. Tiffany partying in the Hamptons. Barron hiding behind Mommy Melania’s de Schooten skirt.

Everybody waiting for the next Manolo Blahnik to drop.

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Trump Under Wood

Is it just me or has Trump suddenly taken a liking to hiking in the woods at Camp David. Now talking about an Arab confab there to thwart terrorism. This the guy who prefers gold faucets and Toto toilets. 18 holes of pristine greens rather than a ratty old tee on a pine cone path. So. Why? Maybe because he watches House of Cards. Of course he does. President Frank Underwood endured a Bohemian Grove-esque weekend ‘men’s trip’ to unearth secrets and lies from the deep forest state around a camp fire to get a leg up.

Hmmm. Wonder when Don will buy a flannel shirt to match his squirrely hair.

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Wimp Patrol

The white guys let slimy Comey slither. A snake when he grandstanded to thwart Hillary’s election chances. Now his so-called candor is congratulated as he leaks memos through a friend. It took Senator Dianne to call out Comey for not putting on his big boy pants and stand up to Trump. Why didn’t he say no to The Donald’s invitations? Advise him about proper FBI etiquette? He was either surreptitiously creating a case for obstruction or he’s a political wimp.

Then there are Sessions, Priebus, and Kushner who scurried away, leaving Trump alone with Comey while peeking in through the door. Boo! Retreat. McConnell & Ryan. Saying Donald’s a rookie, doesn’t know the ropes. No heroes here. Milquetoast patrol. We are screwed.

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House of Trump Cards

House of Cards is back. Yay! Since we last left President Frank Underwood there has been a real election. And somebody even worse than Frank has won. Or does he make even The Donald look good? Does Claire? We’ll see. Ready for a binge-fest.

What would be a House of Trump fantasy plot? The Cabinet which consists of generales and consiglieres resigns after Melissa McCarthy announces at her press briefing that Trump is declaring war on Germans who still look like “nah-zees”. Mattis & McMaster mount a military coup. They deport the Donald to Russia to build concrete condos for Putin & Co. Pence joins Church of Scientology and Karen goes missing. The Donald’s current and former wives whose names end in the letter “A” create a pink pussy hat oven. Don Jr. & Eric retreat to a big-game hunt in Africa and are eaten by hyenas. Jared & Ivanka hightail it to Southeast Asia to make cheap shoes. Tiffany heads off to law school after she puts covfefe in Barron’s Cocoa Puffs.

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House of Shards

Who is in charge? Nikki Haley gives a strong anti-Russia speech at the U.N. Secretary of Defense off to Japan. Secretary of State takes the helm. They all make their own cases in direct opposition to the President’s. Senators call ambassadors to smooth over commander-in-chief’s nasty phone calls to foreign leaders. Generals crash press briefings with macho proclamations to Iran. Trump whisperers lurking in the White House behind curtains all over the place. Nope. Even Frank Underwood couldn’t make this up.

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House of F.U.

President F.U. is back. So is Claire. House of Cards. Season 4. Shockers galore. Pretty good through 7 episodes. Then. Writers took a vacation at the end. Out-of-character risks. Gratuitous contrivances. Creepy breakfast twist. Melodramatic Homeland ripoff. Fear is good.

Be very afraid, Frank. Get a food taster if you win. Veepy wife-in-waiting. President C.U.