Future Stock

In ten years will there be? Add your own…

Churches, religious schools, books, libraries, land lines, answering machines, princess phones, snail mail, stamps, mailmen, greeting cards, stationery, movie theaters, cemeteries, tomb stones, large office buildings, money, men’s suits, briefcases, files, rolodexes, secretaries, soap operas, watches, panty hose.

The Side Trek – Worst 2011

10- People on TV.  Cover your cleavage, freckles, arms. Sleeves. Pleez.
9- Rabid FoxyLoxy in our yard later found bludgeoned next to a croquet mallet.
8- Tea Party Bags obstruct. Debt Ceiling Debacle.
7- Cancellation of Human Target. Miss Mrs. Pucci and torture guy Guerrero.
6- Restaurant quality. Even old standards fell. Blue Heron. Gotham B&Grill.
5- Last Harry Potter movie. Cute kids became creepy old characters.
4- Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Suicide for sale. Who would watch it. Um.
3- Still in Afghanistan. Bring troops home. Build roads here.
2- Amy Winehouse. Wasted. Life, talent.
1- Weather. Blizzards, tornadoes, hurricane. Wreaked regional, personal havoc.

The Side Trek – Best 2011

10- Mama Locks & 3 Cubs visit the ‘hood.
9- Jon Stewart. Made it possible to laugh at pathetic politicians.
8- Franco returns to terrorize Port Charles.
7- National spotlight on bullying. Thanks to local D.A. Elizabeth Scheibel.
6- Margin Call. Most nominated films not out here yet.
5-  TV. Big Bang Theory. Psych. More MadMen.
4- Great books this year. The Night Circus got to me.
3- Sports. Stevie on Adam Scott’s bag to win Bridgestone. Jeter HR for 3,000.
2- Ocean House, Watch Hill.  St-Louis cristal.
1- mAdBen’s Crazy Great Year. NYU accolades. New view. Career.

Kristmas Letter 2011

Dear Friends We Haven’t Seen in Twenty Years:

Zelda and I are so excited to update you all on our family’s meaningful 2011. Little Moonbeam graduated from Middlebury and is off saving babies in the Sudan. It’s so hard not to have him home over Kwanzaa, but we’ll light a candle of harmony for peace in the world instead of buying him a material extravagance. Our trust funds haven’t fared as well this year what with interest rates so low. Moose Lake cabin even lost value and we had to sell the canoe.

We’ll be serving braised short ribs to the homeless in our humble hamlet, of course without the meat. We chopped down a lovely two foot spruce in the woods and dragged it four miles back to the hybrid Prius. There’ll be plenty of sparkling cider, spring water and pine cone cookies at our annual yuletide open house. I’m so proud of Zelda, she cut off her 30-year ponytail to honor the end of the Iraq War. She’s still smarting from the bug bites she got in our OWS tent.

I am sorry to report that Dizzy, Moonbeam’s pet hamster, met a rather violent fate. It seems Mephistopheles, our thirteen year old tabby, still has some zing in her pounce. And, at the risk of boring you with my own gory medical procedures over the year, suffice it to say that scalpels, monitors and screws were involved. Oh dear, it’s hard to believe another year has come and gone.

Happy trails from the Bidrights,
Silent H, Massachusetts

Fall Pants Rant

It must be the season. Cranky Candy has emerged. Pumpkins at the farmstand already? Nooooooo. Gourds. Indian corn. Halloween starts in September now? It’s on the last day of October, people. Christmas decorations coming soon. I don’t go near big box stores, so if you’ve spotted tinsel, do not tell me.

Is there any entertainment news besides bikini bodies or baby bumps? And memo to Jennifer. How many years has it been? Get over Brad and move on. That goes for tabloids too. Unreal housewives of anywhere. You are tacky, materialistic and immature negligent parents. Who are the Kardashians? Why are they everywhere? Wow. I needed a diversion from complaining about politicians. Bring it on, Sarah. At least Franco is back to bashing heads in on GH. Ah. Something to look forward to.

Silly Plasty

Joan had a long date with a plastic dummy last night. No, not you Dr. Serta. Ricky Gervais thanks God for making him an atheist. Snorin’ Joe, say it ain’t so, speech wasn’t that bad. Veep snoozin’ better than air traffic controller. Will the Donald’s ‘looney’ play in Peoria? Jack read my comment last night.

I don’t recognize most celebs these daze. They all have the same face, nose, lips, chin, boobs. With rare exception, they look better in the ‘before’ photos. The Real Housewives of Stepford.  JLo is the most naturally gorgeous. I know Joey3, you don’t dig. Budget debate, Atlas shrugged? see SideBizness.

Astro Treks

New Zodiac? 13th sign? We’re not who we thought we were. Dr.Husband, Ben and I were all ‘water’ signs- Scorpio, Cancer, Pisces. All of a sudden we’ve become ‘air’ signs-Libra, Gemini, Aquarius. Whew. Now what do we do? I don’t know my own family any more. That stubborn Taurus friend, moody Sagittarian sib, kooky Capricorn colleague? They’re now flexible, stable and sane. Shaking our world.

Actually, I’m happy about it. It’s a new beginning. We can start over with better traits. Or, it could be the start of the Mayan prophecy, the Age of Aquarius, December 2012. Wooooo. I heard a theory today that all the dead birds have been slamming into an invisible alien ship hovering over the southeastern U.S. I’d better start writing more profound things, now that I’m an Aquarius.