Dear Friends of the Bidrights,
This holiday season brings unsettling tidings. We regret to inform you of a shocking story in last week’s Daily Hampshire Gay-Zette:
” The Bidrights of Pronounced H, Massachusetts suddenly and spontaneously combusted last Sunday night. So too their newly erected blue-gray photovoltaic home, two pure-bred pigs, and an elderly cat, known as Mephistopheles. Poof! Nothing found except a toppled clothesline with sadly tattered granny underpants, an electric blue Prius covered in taupe dust, crocs and garden tools strewn around a former frontyard poop-pen, plastic rain barrels rolled into the street. “
Theories abound. Many believe that they were abducted by aliens. But. Neighbors are convinced that there is another culprit. The Bidrights were overwhelmed by their half-acre of endless chips. Yup. All that mulch swallowed them up. Into the brown Upside Down!
Only the Bidrights’ thirty-something son Moonbeam seems to have escaped. He reportedly emerged from under a pile of old Bernie signs in the basement some time ago, lately spotted at his alma mater Middlebury College, protesting free speech.
It goes without saying that we will miss the Bidrights’ annual updates. Ah well. Godspeed to the disappeared dorks. Wherever they landed. As long as they don’t pop up in Central Park.
Alas. The last of the Happy Valley Holiday Letters. Maybe…