My Sister Candy

By Joe Colitti III (guest writer)

Everyone remembers her for her love of books, literary genius, culinary arts and her constant pursuit of lively debate about economic policy.

This March 9th, celebrating my sisters birthday without her, will be very difficult. As winter turns to Spring, I know that Candy’s birthday is upon us, the only Colitti with a Winter/Spring birthday.

For me, her love of sports was what made our relationship even closer. Spring meant the Masters was just around the corner. Soon Tiger (NOT Phil or Bryson) would be teeing it up and nothing in sport excited Candy more than that. The Yankees (NOT the Red Sox) were looking good in Florida, getting ready for another possible championship season. The 49ers & NY Football Giants (NOT the Patriots) were preparing teams through free agency and the draft for the upcoming season.

Candy was always a proud fan of Dad’s favorite teams, making sure I knew it whenever one of her teams beat mine. Usually through provocative texts or emails linking my team to negative stories or scandals (she was usually spot on).

March 9th is upon us once again and my thoughts are with Candy, wherever she is. I am hoping she is celebrating her birthday with her favorite book, devouring a giant lobster with little necks as her starter and a beautiful Pinot Gris. I will miss the banter of sport with her, yet memories of exactly that will keep a smile on my face as the boys tee it up once again

I love and miss you my sister — forever Candy (NOT Carol) — with all of my heart.

Fall Viewing

No. Not leaf-peeping. Fall television viewing.

Happy –  Maine Cabin Masters
Smart – Shark Tank
Theatrical –  Fargo
Formulaic – Love It or List It
Snarky – Real Time With Bill Maher
Uneven – SNL
Topical – The Circus
Anticipated – The Undoing
Geezer Bowl – Green Bay v. Tampa Bay

Best news. Masters Golf coming in November. Augusta National does not allow greens books so maybe there will be no Slow DeChambeau.

Back to the City

Crisp and chilly air as NYC seems a bit more bustling. School buses and car horns. Better than masked silence. For now.

Golf is officially gone as a fan sport. No one will tune in to see Bryson deChambeau take thirty practice swings before his drive. Then. Check his book twenty times on each shot after he admonishes his caddie for choosing the wrong club. And. Finally line up and mark his putt a minimum of ten times before he hits it.  How can anyone stand to play with him? Nevermind watch?   So. Rant done.

Emmy’s got it mostly right. Kimmel kicked it off and kept it fresh. Schitt’s Creek and Succession best two shows on TV last year. And they won big.

Storylines

Schwab PGA Tournament storyline coincidentally apt. Harold Varner III in contention. One of few ever Black golfers to win or even play. Without galleries, it’s up to Nick Faldo to give us some good gossip. Like Bryson deChambeau drinking crazy amounts of protein shakes. Thus, the gut. Hasn’t improved his annoying slow rudeness.

Knives Out. Don’t see many movies. But. This got major nominations and awards? For ensemble. Okay, good cast, mostly bad acting. Daniel Craig’s accent was distractingly awful. Original Screenplay. Really? Pretty flimsy. Campy at best. Must have been a bad year for film.

Out of the Bunker

Bob Dylan has emerged Rough & Rowdy. Kinda. Eclectic as always. Live golf is back with the Schwab tournament. But without galleries.

Occupy Seattle, Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone (CHAZ), resurrected from Occupy Wall Street ten years ago. Will Occupy West Side be next?

Trump rallies again starting in Tulsa. With waivers against Covfefe lawsuits. Biden is doing television inteviews. Softballs and heavy edits. Seems Kamala Harris is the pick for attack dog and darling of donors. So. Hope not.

Managing Change

Memorial Day Weekend. Some things the same. Cool and gray. Backyard fire pits socially distanced. Most not. No summer tourists around. Locals abound. Beach towns on lockdown.

Golf tried to manage the new normal with a charity event. Tiger & Peyton v. Phippy & TB. It started as a soggy slow slog. Technical problems didn’t help. Until Brady made a miraculous shot into the hole. As he told Barkley, “Suck on that, Chuck.” The match became fun to watch. But. Tiger should never wear shorts. Again.

Mrs. America with Cate Blanchett as Phyllis Schlafly sounds deadly. But it was good. Historical context and perspective turned the anti-ERA villain into a complicated woman. Feminist leaders flawed as well. Balanced look back. ERA still not ratified to this day.

A distraction from Biden’s campaign which magnifies his lack of management skills. He couldn’t even assemble a competent team to make him look less inept in his bunker. Sad.

Coron Avoidance

To avoid panic-demic:

Watching The Players Championship and putting a hex on DeChambeau.  (Update: Or not. Cancelled the whole tournament at 10pm.) Reading Hilary Mantel’s new novel The Mirror & The Light, the last of her Thomas Cromwell trilogy. (They can’t cancel a book. Can they?) Always Soaps. (Update 3/13: Or not. Trump to speak during General Hospital.)

Staying away from Cable News & social media at all costs. Not opening alarmist alert e-mails from family and friends. Starting a rumor that all dogs need to be quarantined.

On the bright side. Trump looks to be trashing his chances for re-election with every speech. Yet. Pelosi is scary as well. Decrepit inept people running the Country. Now Joe. Really?

Deus Ex Machina

A white ball appears from the sky in the midst of Torrey Pines on the Southern California coastline. Tiger! Rory! Ricky! Even Phippy! Huh? Yes. Golf saves us from impeachment droning for four days. Praise the Lord.

Speaking of God. The New Pope is a bizarre arty trip which should be watched under the influence of something. And. Messiah continued to stretch spiritual and geopolitical boundaries. Season 2 assured.

UnPrecedential

Opinion columns widely lament the dilution of impeachment. As with all things Trump. Bad behavior has become the norm. By him and as the IG Report showed many others in government. So if everything is bad. Nothing is bad.

Two old white guys steadily lead the Democrat pack. Biden and Bernie. Frank Bruni wonders if Mayor Pete is too young. Mike Bloomberg is too rich. Elizabeth & Amy too female. So. Then. Who?

On the fun side. The Presidents Cup. Golf in Australia on TV last night. U.S. vs. Non-European International players. Despite a certain son saying I’m the only person lame enough to have watched it, seeing Captain Tiger play well was great. So there.

Making Assumptions

The candidate casino. $100 in chips today. How’d you bet? $35 Warren. $15 Biden. $10 Harris. $5 Booker. $5 Buttigieg. $5 Woo-Woo Williamson. $25 Somebody Who Can Win.

Scaramouche has had a come-to-Jeezus epiphany about our Petulant Adolescent President. Why? He’s looking to make a buck by convincing Nikki Haley or Mark Sanford to make a primary run at Trump.

FedEx Cup. That end of season golf thing. After an even more convoluted fan-phobic structure this year. Who will win? Who cares?

Mary’s teleportation to Heaven from Earth. No surprise there. She was still a virgin when she gave birth.