CandyPants Rants. It has been a while. So, I’ve saved them up.
Carl Bernstein calls Romney an opportunist. Jon Huntsman said Mitt is a well-oiled weathervane. Brilliant. Broken record alert. Rahm, Axelrod, Jarrett are stale. Get new people, PrezO. Sarah Jessica Parker and Anna Wintour not a good idea in these times. Tacky. Yerp out. Obama’s re-election will be defined by the global economy. His re-election depends on its stability in October.
Great news! You don’t have to study, work hard or pay big bucks to go to a prestigious college anymore. Just say you did on Facebook or LinkedIn. Really? Life is not “Suits”. Social networking world is smaller than you think. Forbes.
Speaking of Facebook, as I said before the IPO, it had already jumped the shark. The market has caught up. Just as people are discovering Kelly Ripa, I’m growing weary of her revolving co-hosts. Love Michael Strahan.
Real Housewives franchise has also jumped. It’s bad when I miss SiLex and Jill. Soaps out, too. Finally ran out of characters and story lines. GH now has Todd, from the defunct OLTL, who killed his twin brother who is the father of his ex-wife’s new-born pitted against hit-man Jason, who also killed his twin brother, serial killer Franco who raped his wife and is the father of her new-born. Y&R’s Victor is now doing his former daughter-in-law Sharon. Need new books!!!!!
Valentine-grams of 4-foot teddy bears, and pajamas with bunny feet? Are men who buy this stuff married to ten-year old girls? It will get them ‘lucky’ once a year? Creepy and cupid. Johnny Depp gave his GF a vineyard. That I’ll take.
First mass-produced lacey greeting cards were made in Worcester, Mass. Bad idea. Hallmark holidays began here. Happy League of Women Voters Day.
And Best in Show. And…couldn’t SI afford a bathing suit that fit?
It must be the season. Cranky Candy has emerged. Pumpkins at the farmstand already? Nooooooo. Gourds. Indian corn. Halloween starts in September now? It’s on the last day of October, people. Christmas decorations coming soon. I don’t go near big box stores, so if you’ve spotted tinsel, do not tell me.
Is there any entertainment news besides bikini bodies or baby bumps? And memo to Jennifer. How many years has it been? Get over Brad and move on. That goes for tabloids too. Unreal housewives of anywhere. You are tacky, materialistic and immature negligent parents. Who are the Kardashians? Why are they everywhere? Wow. I needed a diversion from complaining about politicians. Bring it on, Sarah. At least Franco is back to bashing heads in on GH. Ah. Something to look forward to.
The noises of summer. As a writer, I’m hyper tuned-in. Bird songs rarely rise above the buzzing of saws, whacking of weeds, annihilation of grass. Loud, louder, loudest. Guys across the way have a full time hobby of hacking up trees then hauling them down the street all day. And don’t get me started with the beep beep beep when they back up. A fertilizer truck is idling outside my porch.
Hahahaha. I can hear all of you city folk thinking this is hilarious. Noise? I’ll give you noise. But for the love of silence, please just pass a clean debt ceiling bill and stop the madness outside! OK, I’m off to the home. (Where is it?)
The legend of Skippy Hallow. Hate Halloween. Hate Pumpkins. Always have. Even as a kid, even as the mother of a cute kid who loved spooking up the place with webs, ghosts, skeletons, goblins. Couldn’t wait to take it all down. I do miss driving up Route 5 to pick out pumpkins with Ben, he could carve a scary face, but after that squash ‘em into the compost bin before they rot and squirrels strew them all over the yard. yuk.
Everywhere I look, ugly plastic black and orange stuff. OK, kids can dress up to get candy, under 12! Older than that it’s pranky or creepy. Stupid adult costumes, excuse for women to slut it up and men to be boyish. We do that on Wednesdays. Am I cranky on the subject? Maybe it’s because I AM a witch. Oh yeah and the cheap candy sucks too. Don’t get me started on dressing up pets. When the pumpkins come out, I know dark afternoons and mornings are upon us, cold gray days. Leaves gone. Let’s just skip Halloween and go straight to Thanksgiving.
I like Thanksgiving.
Pants-peeves on another rainy day, add yours or trash hers:
- arthritis pills that cause suicide and tuberculosis
- sales clerks who talk to other clerks while you wait, btw yo comprendo
- parents’ clever spelling of children’s names, ignoring phonetics
- politeratti who pretend what they said isn’t what they said
- pathological liars and pervs who get t.v. contracts
- leaf blowers before dawn
CandyPants and Cafferty are kindred curmudgeons.
Watching the Westminster Dog Show is far more entertaining than bouncing back and forth from pairs skating, commercials, back stories, to downhill skiing and boarding so far. Most of the dogs are cuter than the athletes to date. Best in Show tonight!
Favorite New Eateries: Local - Blue House Cafe, Williamsburg, black bean burritos, tortilla melts in your mouth; Amherst Chinese Food, Main Street, local fresh ingredients, no “hangover” from chemicals. NYC – Morandi, West Village, fun casual people watching, not glitzy, great meatballs, http://www.tripadvisor.com/tablesedge – see the review; Flex Mussels, Upper East Side, new, happening, fresh clams. What are your new favorites, where?
Laissez les bon temps roulez- giving up watermelon seeds again for Lent, family tradition